I
hate to have to stop a decent streak, and having managed to put at least one
halfway decent entry now each day for well over a month, I hardly want to pause
now. Okay, well, I cheated, because this is on Pacific time, and since I live
in Eastern time and entered some past midnight my time, it still counted for
the day before, but since you most assuredly did not notice that and would not
know that if I had not just pointed it out, you can cut me some slack right?
Damn it!
Yes, I do not want to
stop. Yet, I have to, since I'm going on a little bit of a trip, and happen to
be one of those poor schmucks who actually do not own a laptop, and thus will
not have internet access for the next few days. That means that I have to give
this up for a while. So be it.
It hardly seems fitting
to start a series of related blogs just before a few days hiatus, and although
I promised to continue one series on arrogance of a nationalist flavor, and one
planned series on a book that I read which seems just too important not to
share and expand quite a bit on, but it seems more appropriate to do one or
both of those next week or later, when I can string together a few blogs in a
row.
So, that leaves me
guessing exactly what I should write about in this blog.
Of course, anyone reading
this would certainly be well within his or her rights to wonder why I am
stalling, and writing a bunch of filler, without getting to any sort of a
point. Strange isn't it? I mean, really, what kind of writer goes on
and on about what he should write about, without actually writing about it? Who
has two thumbs and a writer's block that he is actually writing about? THIS GUY
(jerks his thumbs at himself)!!
I should point out that,
even though I suffer from the occasional (or not so occasional) bout of
writer's block, I always try and write, anyway. So, if I am working on a
project, I can only write when I feel a bit of fire in me, when it feels like I
am actually breathing some life into it. That cannot be forced, and when it
does not feel right, there simply is no faking it. Right now, I have quite a
few big projects going on, some of which I have been working on now for a
decade, which sounds great, right? But here's the thing: I am stalled on all of
them, and have been, more or less, for some time. Oh, I get the occasional
idea, and try to add them, of course. But right now, I have been a bit
distracted in my writing, and perhaps I will go further now, and admit that
this blog itself has been a bit of a distraction. When I concentrate on
streaks, it comes at the expense of productivity in other endeavors. Not that I
intend to quit this blog, I rather enjoy it. It's probably more a question of
organizing my time and energy better, or perhaps of prioritizing.
Does that count as a real
writer's block? It should. it sure feels like I have not been as productive is
these areas (meaning, the big projects) as usual, although again, there could
be other factors involved. But at least I can write fairly extensively about
writer's block, right? So that's saying something, surely.
Still, having written
this much without having gotten to any sort of a point is rather alarming, and
the author in question here is beginning to worry about this. This blog is
starting to reach close to the length of a normal blog on this site, yet it has
been unconventional, to say the least. He wonders if he is losing his audience,
and even is wondering if they have yet caught on that he has just switched from
first person to third person without any sort of indication as to what he is
doing, and knows that he is not shifting gears too smoothly here. He has yet to
clearly state a point to all of this, or even to really offer an opinion, or a
fact, or anything that could be construed as a talking point. He is writing,
just for the sake of writing, apparently. Is this some sort of a clever
exercise? Or is this something that he is just doing to waste time on a
sleepless night - although he has the excuse of being at work, where it is
actually frowned upon to close your eyes? Has he lost whatever audience he had,
and at what point did they tune out, or roll their eyes and go to the next
webpage? Perhaps it is worse than this, even. Perhaps the reader was having a
sleepless night on their own end, and this proved to be the cure for their
insomnia? Maybe their eyes grew heavy, and their head starting lolling, and by
now, their is a steady drip of saliva from the corner of their mouth, as they
drool on themselves. If so, then most likely, they will wake up with a stiff
neck or back, and wishing they had gone to bed, instead of trying to read
something that is incomprehensible and surely not grabbing the reader. If you
find yourself in pain upon reading this, or upon trying, once you finally wake
up, you have the author's sympathy, believe me. He feels he should offer some
sort of an apology, although he cannot be sure for what.
With all the various
shifts in gear and reversals that I have used, both for myself and for the
reader, I now have to wonder about this for the last time. Was it a good way to
go out before a break? Can I pass this off as some sort of experiment or
writing exercise, when in fact, I had no idea what I could possibly write
about, since I am tired and apparently not thinking straight? Would anyone even
really believe it?
Suddenly, the shame of
this blog reaches me, and I feel embarrassed, both for myself and the reading
audience, which must have dwindled to none by now. It seems that all parties
involved would have been better off without this blog, yet it is a fait
accompli, now. No turning back.
So, there it is. One last
blog entry before my little vacation, and believe me, I intend to sleep quite a
bit, and catch up on rest overall! When I get back, I'll be more focused, I
promise you that!
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