Stories regarding angry and abusive student behavior have been generating considerable attention in recent years, but that has been especially true for Florida in the past few weeks, ever since the school shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland.
One Florida teacher, Kelly Guthrie Raley, a sixth grade language arts teacher who was named Eustis Middle School Teacher of the Year 2017-2018 last month, laid out some serious issues with a Facebook post that has since gone viral in the aftermath of the Parkland school shooting. She laid out some issues, as she sees them, with what is wrong with the behavior of kids today, and what role parents may play in all of that. Here is what she had to say about it:
"Okay, I’ll be the bad guy and say what no one else is brave enough to say, but wants to say. I’ll take all the criticism and attacks from everyone because you know what? I’m a TEACHER. I live this life daily. And I wouldn’t do anything else! But I also know daily I could end up in an active shooter situation.
“Until we, as a country, are willing to get serious and talk about mental health issues, lack of available care for the mental health issues, lack of discipline in the home, horrendous lack of parental support when the schools are trying to control horrible behavior at school (oh no! Not MY KID. What did YOU do to cause my kid to react that way?), lack of moral values, and yes, I’ll say it – violent video games that take away all sensitivity to ANY compassion for others’ lives – as well as reality TV that makes it commonplace for people to constantly scream up in each others’ faces and not value any other person but themselves, we will have a gun problem in school.
“But you know what? My parents NEVER supported any bad behavior from me.
“Parents, it’s time to step up! Be the parent that actually gives a crap! Be the annoying mom that pries and knows what your kid is doing. STOP being their friend. They have enough ‘friends’ at school. Be their parent. Being the ‘cool mom’ means not a damn thing when either your kid is dead or your kid kills other people because they were allowed to have their space and privacy in YOUR HOME.”
“But you know what? I never dreamed of shooting anyone with his guns. I never dreamed of taking one! I was taught respect for human life, compassion, rules, common decency, and most of all, I was taught that until I moved out, my life and bedroom wasn’t mine…it was theirs. And they were going to know what was happening because they loved me and wanted the best for me.
“This post wasn’t about gun control. This was me, loving the crap out of people and wanting the best for them. This was about my school babies and knowing that God created each one for greatness, and just wanting them to reach their futures.”
Raley makes clear that she herself is a gun owner, and that she enjoys hunting.
When Raley began teaching twenty years ago, she felt that there was more respect for teachers by parents. No parents would think of cursing her out or threatening, or generally implying that their child was beyond reproach.
Somewhere along the line, though, that changed, she says. Parents allow their kids too many freedom, too much privacy, and are scared to confront them, to discipline them.
With this, she indeed probably has a point. I remember seeing a cartoon once that really resonated with me. It showed two different parent-teacher conference, with the kid present in both. The first cartoon showed such a conference in 1969, and both the teacher and the parents were angrily looking down on the kid, and screaming, "What's the meaning of this!" or something like it as the kid was shrinking away. Then, it showed the present day, with the same quote underneath. Only this time, the parents were angrily shouting at the teacher, who was shrinking away, and the child was watching happily, with arms crossed, and a clear sense of entitlement being stoked. And you know what? There is some truth to that indeed.
Generally speaking, I do not believe that she is wrong about the vast majority of what she says here. Indeed, I think it is applicable to the general state of decline of the American education system, and why the United States has been sagging, and went from being the envy of the world with a public education system that worked back in the golden age of the country in the 1950's and early 1960's, to one that seems to be sliding consistently closer to being the worst education system among industrialized nations. A lack of respect towards authority hurts everyone, and trust me, I have seen firsthand, from both sides of a teacher's desk, just how disruptive and contagious this kind of bad behavior is.
I also agree with Raley about this being largely the product of the failure of parenting. Many parents - and I mean far too many parents - really seem like they should not be parents at all. An alarming number of them - and here I have to specify that men in particularly seem to be a problem - seem to not care enough to discipline their children. When the kids are allowed to get away with bad behavior at home, who can blame them for feeling that they can also get away with that kind of nonsense in the schools? Again, I have seen this firsthand. When I was a kid, the thought of being sent to the Principal's or Vice-Principal's Office was terrifying! It happened, but very, very rarely. Nowadays, I see kids regularly being sent to the office, and they do not care. It does not faze them one bit. They know that, at worst, they will get a slap on the wrist. Only on very rare occasions do kids actually find themselves being perhaps kicked out of the school, and only then - sometimes - do they express some measure of regret. By then, of course, it is too late. Besides, it should never be allowed to reach that point.
But the thing is, schools are kind of at fault, as well. After all, they are so terrified of being slapped with a lawsuit, that they bend over backwards to accommodate every whim by the parents, even when the parents are wrong. Once again, here is an example from my own experience: I was called into the office one day for a meeting with a parent, who was unhappy that I had given her son extra homework after he was caught cheating by me. He even admitted to cheating! Yet, his mom was unhappy, because he had baseball practice, and he had extra homework to finish. So, naturally, she thought it best to tell him not to do the homework, and she told her son "I'll take care of" that teacher, meaning me. So, I looked her straight in the eyes and told her to go ahead and take care of me, but I reminder her that her son was caught cheating, and admitted to it. He recognized that he had done something wrong, and at the very least, as an emphasis to recognize that he had done something wrong and needed to understand that it was wrong, he had been given extra work to do, just to hopefully deter him from doing it again. Education often goes beyond the ABC's and 1,2,3's, and sometimes extends to life lessons, as well. What would we be teaching him if we allowed him to be exempt from punishment when he did something wrong, even after admitting to it? Frankly, I thought he was getting off lightly, because cheating is a serious offense, even for young kids (he was about 10 years old).
She yielded to that point, but it was not easy. And she definitely had an attitude. At least enough of one for me to hope avoiding dealing with hr in the future. I am not saying that she is an unfit mother, but it was hard to understand her logic that baseball was more important than schoolwork, and that disciplining her child when he had done something seriously wrong in school was simply not a priority.
Yet, she was far from the worst. She actually cared about her child, which is more than I could say for some of the kids there. One of the boys in that class had a disorder that prevented him from being particularly athletic, and it was no secret that the father had expressed little interest as a child, likely as a result of those physical abilities.
Perhaps, indeed, the constant exposure to violence in movies and television shows and video games starts to have an effect, as well as the generally trashy nature of other aspects of modern culture, particularly television (especially many of the reality shows) and the internet and music. But again, that is in large part due to how much of this the parents allow, and if they never provide more positive alternatives to their children. Using myself and my experiences with my son, I felt there had to be standards. Once I learned something about Deadpool, for example, I decided not to take him to see the movie, and to take away one of my Christmas gifts to him (that he had specifically requested) because I had seen such trashiness within it. Maybe someday, he can make up his own mind about it. But not at such a young age. I also do not let him get away with swearing, or showing too much disrespect, period.
This was the pretty much the norm as I was growing up. There are things that you want as a child. The cool toys and/or video games that the other kids seem to have. Cable, perhaps, and the ability to see all the new, cool movies that the other kids have seen several times over, by now. Cool, fun trips to Disneyland, and to sunny Florida in general. Video games came later, and I envied those other kids there, as well. Later, it was cool clothes, and the acceptance of peers. Hell, a girlfriend.
Looking back, though, I have to admit that on some levels - many levels, actually - I am glad that these things did not necessarily come to me as quickly or conveniently as they did for other kids. I am far from perfect, but some of the things that I am most appreciative and think are some of the best parts of the person that I have come to be are rooted in those early lessons about not always getting my way. And a large part of that was having adults tell me no, and to not be afraid of a slightly unpleasant interaction. Kids need to be told no every once in a while. Frankly, I think they even want it, and can sense, on some level, that it is good for them, that adults are not doing that to hurt or embarrass them, but rather quite the opposite. It builds character to be told no, and to be reminded that there are limits.
These days, it feels like there is a complete absence of limits. It feels like anything goes in our modern world, and nowhere is that as true as right here, in our United States. I would not go so far as to blame school shootings on kids being spoiled and not getting their way, although it would be difficult not to believe that this has at least some impact on the problem. But let us not conveniently forget that mass shootings do not always, or even usually, happen in schools, and it is not always young men who are the perpetrators. After all, Stephen Paddock can hardly be lumped into the spoiled Millennial generation, right? And despite Raley's assertions that things were radically different twenty years ago, the education system was very much in an advanced state of decline back then, and levels of disrespect towards learning and teachers were already being practiced by both kids and parents, as well as other adults, alike. And as for school shootings, they existed and were a problem back then, too. After all, who could forget Jonesboro or Columbine? Was she remembering a more distant past, then, perhaps? Well, was respect not a serious problem back in the golden era of this country, when people of different skin color were not allowed, by law, to attend the same schools? And when efforts to integrate were finally imposed, was it a not a show of serious disrespect when there was a new kind of "white flight," and once again, schools seemed to be segregated, more de facto now then legally imposed? There has been a steady influx of efforts to privatize schools ever since. Is this not an issue that goes right to the core of the crisis regarding insufficient respect in this nation?
Also, I would take exception to her notion that gun violence, specifically, cannot possibly be solved until we learn to respect one another. I think gun violence specifically can be resolved if we take the easy access to guns out of the equation, pure and simple. What makes me think such a nonsensical, "pie in the sky" notion? Why, the fact that it has worked everywhere else in the world that has seriously tried it. And to some degree, we tried it here in the United States, with an assault weapons ban that was allowed to expire during the George W. Bush administration. Guess what happened after it was allowed to expire? Rates of deadly gun violence went up. Yet, gun advocates, and the NRA, would surely have us believe that there cannot possibly be a relation between the two, and that is just utter and complete nonsense.
Generally speaking, I do not believe that she is wrong about the vast majority of what she says here. Indeed, I think it is applicable to the general state of decline of the American education system, and why the United States has been sagging, and went from being the envy of the world with a public education system that worked back in the golden age of the country in the 1950's and early 1960's, to one that seems to be sliding consistently closer to being the worst education system among industrialized nations. A lack of respect towards authority hurts everyone, and trust me, I have seen firsthand, from both sides of a teacher's desk, just how disruptive and contagious this kind of bad behavior is.
I also agree with Raley about this being largely the product of the failure of parenting. Many parents - and I mean far too many parents - really seem like they should not be parents at all. An alarming number of them - and here I have to specify that men in particularly seem to be a problem - seem to not care enough to discipline their children. When the kids are allowed to get away with bad behavior at home, who can blame them for feeling that they can also get away with that kind of nonsense in the schools? Again, I have seen this firsthand. When I was a kid, the thought of being sent to the Principal's or Vice-Principal's Office was terrifying! It happened, but very, very rarely. Nowadays, I see kids regularly being sent to the office, and they do not care. It does not faze them one bit. They know that, at worst, they will get a slap on the wrist. Only on very rare occasions do kids actually find themselves being perhaps kicked out of the school, and only then - sometimes - do they express some measure of regret. By then, of course, it is too late. Besides, it should never be allowed to reach that point.
But the thing is, schools are kind of at fault, as well. After all, they are so terrified of being slapped with a lawsuit, that they bend over backwards to accommodate every whim by the parents, even when the parents are wrong. Once again, here is an example from my own experience: I was called into the office one day for a meeting with a parent, who was unhappy that I had given her son extra homework after he was caught cheating by me. He even admitted to cheating! Yet, his mom was unhappy, because he had baseball practice, and he had extra homework to finish. So, naturally, she thought it best to tell him not to do the homework, and she told her son "I'll take care of" that teacher, meaning me. So, I looked her straight in the eyes and told her to go ahead and take care of me, but I reminder her that her son was caught cheating, and admitted to it. He recognized that he had done something wrong, and at the very least, as an emphasis to recognize that he had done something wrong and needed to understand that it was wrong, he had been given extra work to do, just to hopefully deter him from doing it again. Education often goes beyond the ABC's and 1,2,3's, and sometimes extends to life lessons, as well. What would we be teaching him if we allowed him to be exempt from punishment when he did something wrong, even after admitting to it? Frankly, I thought he was getting off lightly, because cheating is a serious offense, even for young kids (he was about 10 years old).
She yielded to that point, but it was not easy. And she definitely had an attitude. At least enough of one for me to hope avoiding dealing with hr in the future. I am not saying that she is an unfit mother, but it was hard to understand her logic that baseball was more important than schoolwork, and that disciplining her child when he had done something seriously wrong in school was simply not a priority.
Yet, she was far from the worst. She actually cared about her child, which is more than I could say for some of the kids there. One of the boys in that class had a disorder that prevented him from being particularly athletic, and it was no secret that the father had expressed little interest as a child, likely as a result of those physical abilities.
Perhaps, indeed, the constant exposure to violence in movies and television shows and video games starts to have an effect, as well as the generally trashy nature of other aspects of modern culture, particularly television (especially many of the reality shows) and the internet and music. But again, that is in large part due to how much of this the parents allow, and if they never provide more positive alternatives to their children. Using myself and my experiences with my son, I felt there had to be standards. Once I learned something about Deadpool, for example, I decided not to take him to see the movie, and to take away one of my Christmas gifts to him (that he had specifically requested) because I had seen such trashiness within it. Maybe someday, he can make up his own mind about it. But not at such a young age. I also do not let him get away with swearing, or showing too much disrespect, period.
This was the pretty much the norm as I was growing up. There are things that you want as a child. The cool toys and/or video games that the other kids seem to have. Cable, perhaps, and the ability to see all the new, cool movies that the other kids have seen several times over, by now. Cool, fun trips to Disneyland, and to sunny Florida in general. Video games came later, and I envied those other kids there, as well. Later, it was cool clothes, and the acceptance of peers. Hell, a girlfriend.
Looking back, though, I have to admit that on some levels - many levels, actually - I am glad that these things did not necessarily come to me as quickly or conveniently as they did for other kids. I am far from perfect, but some of the things that I am most appreciative and think are some of the best parts of the person that I have come to be are rooted in those early lessons about not always getting my way. And a large part of that was having adults tell me no, and to not be afraid of a slightly unpleasant interaction. Kids need to be told no every once in a while. Frankly, I think they even want it, and can sense, on some level, that it is good for them, that adults are not doing that to hurt or embarrass them, but rather quite the opposite. It builds character to be told no, and to be reminded that there are limits.
These days, it feels like there is a complete absence of limits. It feels like anything goes in our modern world, and nowhere is that as true as right here, in our United States. I would not go so far as to blame school shootings on kids being spoiled and not getting their way, although it would be difficult not to believe that this has at least some impact on the problem. But let us not conveniently forget that mass shootings do not always, or even usually, happen in schools, and it is not always young men who are the perpetrators. After all, Stephen Paddock can hardly be lumped into the spoiled Millennial generation, right? And despite Raley's assertions that things were radically different twenty years ago, the education system was very much in an advanced state of decline back then, and levels of disrespect towards learning and teachers were already being practiced by both kids and parents, as well as other adults, alike. And as for school shootings, they existed and were a problem back then, too. After all, who could forget Jonesboro or Columbine? Was she remembering a more distant past, then, perhaps? Well, was respect not a serious problem back in the golden era of this country, when people of different skin color were not allowed, by law, to attend the same schools? And when efforts to integrate were finally imposed, was it a not a show of serious disrespect when there was a new kind of "white flight," and once again, schools seemed to be segregated, more de facto now then legally imposed? There has been a steady influx of efforts to privatize schools ever since. Is this not an issue that goes right to the core of the crisis regarding insufficient respect in this nation?
Also, I would take exception to her notion that gun violence, specifically, cannot possibly be solved until we learn to respect one another. I think gun violence specifically can be resolved if we take the easy access to guns out of the equation, pure and simple. What makes me think such a nonsensical, "pie in the sky" notion? Why, the fact that it has worked everywhere else in the world that has seriously tried it. And to some degree, we tried it here in the United States, with an assault weapons ban that was allowed to expire during the George W. Bush administration. Guess what happened after it was allowed to expire? Rates of deadly gun violence went up. Yet, gun advocates, and the NRA, would surely have us believe that there cannot possibly be a relation between the two, and that is just utter and complete nonsense.
But I do agree with Raley's main points about insufficient respect by kids being a huge problem. Really, it is one of the elephants in the room, even if I disagree that it is the only elephant. And indeed, that problem is not really with the kids, as much as it is with the adults - or rather, those who pass themselves off as adults. I have met some fellow parents, and can tell you without any doubt that some parents really are much like children themselves, and spoiled children at that. Again, this trend seems to be alarmingly true for men, in particular. We did not come up with the term manchild for no reason, after all. And if you do not think it is a huge and glaring problem, just look at who is sitting in the Oval Office and representing the United States around the world right now.
So, until we start to produce better adults, the glaring problems facing our nation - gun violence and failing education and kids going wild, as well as numerous other huge problems that are eroding what greatness this country might once have had - will simply not go away. In fact, things are likely to grow worse, not better, at least in the near term. This will continue to be the case, until we as a nation finally recognize that it is indeed an urgent problem that needs to be taken care of right now, once and for all.
Florida Teacher of the Year’s Gun Violence Post Goes Viral After School Shooting By Lauren Richardson 15981:45 PM February 17, 2018:
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