A Note of Thanks

Yes, I am aware that it is early March, and not late November. Yes, I am also aware that I have written in that past that I will try and steer clear of writing about specifically personal stuff in my life.

That said, something happened to me over the weekend that kind of can throw that off a little bit, and it has honestly been hard not to think about it since it happened. I was in a car accident, which was deemed, perhaps correctly, my fault.

As I was turning into my job's parking garage, I noticed the shape of a car approaching fast. It was 1:30 at night, and simply put, I did not see the headlights. Either they seemed dim (if not off), or maybe I am just getting old. One or the other, I guess.

In any case, whoever's fault it was, it does not change the fact that it happened, that I knew once I finally saw her that it was going to end badly. It is a moment that none of us wants to have, and once you go through something like that (as I have on more than one occasion now), it is hard to get it out of your mind. That last moment, when you know something bad is about to happen, that collision is inevitable, and yet you are still praying against hope that it can somehow, somehow be avoided. Then the moment of impact, that sickening first thud. Being thrust forward with a violent jerk (so violent, that some of the stuff in the back flew to the front seats! That instant regret (amazingly, I did not really feel shock when it happened, only disappointment, and fear of what I was going to do now).Only later, did I kind of go through the motions, like a deer caught in the headlights. On some level, I guess I am still there, still thinking about all of those unanswered questions yet. Still worrying. Still cursing my own stupidity. Still wondering why I stopped at the Pathmark by work when I did, or why I did not stop and get the coffee that I had wanted to get elsewhere. Why, in other words, ws I precisely at that spot at precisely at that time, where an accident was waiting, a date with destiny, so to speak? Why, why why?

But I have done some thinking, and as much as I say it to myself, but often lose sight of it in my more normal life,  it is also a time to be thankful, as well. Thankful, because although bad things (like the accident) inevitably happen every now and then, it could nonetheless have been far worse. I still have my health. I still have people close to me in my life, who have helped me out through this already, as well. I still have my two jobs, and thus, a steady income. Although it is difficult to juggle so much stuff, there are still options for me, possible solutions, and I have faith that I will find something that works. I am thankful for my resourcefulness, as well, come to think of it. I am thankful to be writing this piece right now, instead of in some hospital bed, had the accident been more serious. I am thankful that the other driver, and her passenger, were not evidently seriously hurt themselves. I am thankful that my son was not in the car with me at the time. I am thankful that my car, although probably too far gone to be salvageable, nonetheless lasted for over 320,000 miles, many of them driven by me over the last three or so years.

We get wrapped up in life all too often, and lose sight of some of these more simple blessings that seem more often than not to be taken for granted. When something happens that rocks us out of our comfortable existence (like what happened this weekend), it could be a real eye opener, as well. So, although I am not happy about the accident, I guess I am thankful to have the wherewithal not to simply give up, and to have what I would like to believe is a healthy perspective following such inevitable nasty surprises that life will throw in our direction every now and then.