It's An Addiction

I wrote this right after my review of the 12/12/12 concert, but never really got a chance to post it. As you'll surely recall, the mass school shooting at Sandy Hook occurred just a couple of days later. The concert ended around 1:15 in the morning, on what by then was technically the 13th of December. Just over 32 hours later, the shooting took place.

The concert review that I posted was late on the evening of the 13th, and perhaps I was still a bit excited about it. Really, it had been an amazing show to have been at, and I was still fixated on it at that point. This post was meant to show a more sober aspect, because there was some measure of guilt that went along with having gone to that show, specifically. But the shooting that took place in Connecticut on the morning of the 14th sobered the entire nation, and even the entire world, for a little while. Such a senseless tragedy. It's hard to still feel fixated about something so petty as a concert, no matter how awesome or grandiose the lineup, after something like that. So, this kept being pushed back, and remained in my "DRAFT" folder, unused and untouched. Until now.

I had been meaning to post this since, but it kind of got swept under the rug and forgotten about, admittedly.

Until now.

So, here was an awkward situation.

I really wanted to go to the 12/12/12 concert at Madison Square Garden, but my girlfriend did not, initially. When she learned of the incredible lineup later, she would tell me that she had misunderstood, and had not realized just how big this was going to be. But even then, the price was incredibly steep, and just too much for her. I cannot say that I blame her.

There was another friend of mine who also wanted to go, and he was gearing up to get tickets on the day that they went on sale. So, I was hoping we would get them that way. But after an hour on Ticketmaster, all the tickets were sold out, and he had nothing to show for his efforts. Not to mention, the cheapest tickets were selling for $150, and that was about the maximum that he was willing to spend. So, no good.

That left me alone, still wanting to pursue this thing, yet having some major reservations myself. There were times when I told myself it was time to give it up, to leave it alone.

But I was not able to. Like eating too much, or yielding to temptation in so many other ways, one of my weaknesses traditionally has been going to all sorts of lengths in satisfying my indulgences, and this concert was going to be one of them. It was the most incredible lineup for a concert that I had ever seen, perhaps with the exception of Woodstock, which was well before my time.

Over the years, I have been to many concerts, and many events in general. After a childhood spent barely going to anything (no, I'm not about to go into any notions of having been a deprived child, or other things about my childhood that have haunted me as an adult, or anything like that), I have gone to some lengths to make sure that I tried to make up for it once the opportunity arose as an adult.

I have more than made up for it for it, as well. I mean, there were years when I went to dozens of concerts and/or sports events. Of course, all of that costs money, and I spent quite a bit on such self-indulgences. Lately, these last few years, the focus was on trying to limit my spending money (that is why there are some concert reviews on this blog page of free concerts, which are particularly prominent and numerous during the summer months). I still like to go to some bigger concerts and/or sporting events, but I have finally begun to get serious about trying to limit my expenses on such luxuries.

For the most part, these efforts have been met with some success, as well. But there are always temptations, and I wanted to ease my way out of the addiction (which is what I think it can become, and probably had become for me). Quitting cold turkey would probably be too difficult, so I allowed myself to continue going to some events, so long as I was a bit smarter about it. For example, I tried to go to those free concerts, or cheaper concerts (not huge venue, huge name ones), or perhaps go to two or three preseason games with good seats for sports, rather than spend as much on one game with mediocre seats during the regular season.

Still, there were times where I felt that it was too much, and I needed to reduce it further still. Frankly, there were times when I would feel guilty for going to see yet another concert or sporting event, dishing out more money, or taking off one more night, or what have you.

Going to events can be fun. But it can also be a burden, when you go too often - and I will admit to going too often.

The thing is, going to an event should be, and feel, special. And for me, that feeling was beginning to be lost. Rare indeed were those times when I felt excited to go to a concert or sporting event anymore. It was this dawned on me that there was a recognition of the problem. It began to feel like I was being conquered by temptations. Buying things that I didn't need, and when that was becoming so routine that I was not feeling any thrill from it anymore, than I had gone too far.

It has gone on too far. When I look at my life these past couple of decades now, I find that I have yielded to this temptation time and again, and there is nothing else that can be said about it, or thought about it, but that it was a huge personal failing. It is something that I have to get over and past, one and for all. But it has not been easy. I have no illusions that it will be easy, either. But then again, is anything worth doing ever really easy?