Feeling Old

I want to finish up my blogs focusing on areas of Poland that I visited, because it has taken entirely too long to do so. There really is only one main one left, and that would be the mountain region in the southeastern portion of the nation - Zakopane, right in the Tatra Mountains.

Yet, yesterday I got sidetracked in writing in memory of World War II. Then, something else happened yesterday, and it has been on my mind since. That cannot be helped, because it is related to the way that I feel, and right now, I still feel nauseous.

In my local town, there is a fair that takes place in the parking lot of a sizable local strip mall, kind of on the edge, which borders a baseball field and what seems like woods (though the woods surely cannot go on for very long, since there are too many residential areas about).

Anyway, sometime last month, my girlfriend mentioned that this might be a good place to take my son when it comes around. Ever since, I have been looking forward to it, and wondering how my son would take to it.

Would he love it? Would he hate it? He tends to be antisocial, and there are times when I think he is going to love something (a movie, or some fun thing that I am sure that he is going to love), and he seems indifferent.

Case in point: the Superman movie that came out earlier this summer. I asked if he would be interested in seeing it, and he shrugged. Yeah, okay. I guess.

On occasion, it has been the opposite. I would take him someplace that I figured he would not be interested in, and he winds up loving it. No specific examples are coming to mind right now, but it has happened. Maybe learning to play chess would be one example, although I think this is because it probably seems like an adult activity to him.

He is unpredictable, I guess is my main point.

So, I did not tell him about this. It was to be a surprise. And like any kid, he was desperate to learn what the surprise was that I had stored for him.

The day was fairly long. Wednesdays are usually my day off (yes, my schedule is weird, to say the least). And he is out of summer camp, so has plenty of free time.

We woke up early, and saw my girlfriend go on her way to work.

Then, I did a bit of writing, and he was watching some cartoons. I gave him a movie to watch - King Kong, not sure if he would end up liking it. Before long, my drowsiness overtook me. I have not been sleeping as much as I should lately, and this week has perhaps been especially bad. The last few weeks, in fact, have been strange. I've been working a lot of surprise overtime hours, and yesterday was among them. It turned out I got one full hour of sleep yesterday, and so I simply was exhausted today, even after a decent night's rest. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep for a morning nap.

My son came in and woke me up once, and it was related to the movie. I was not sure that he would like it, but he did. At least, he said he did.

In any case, when we woke up, I cooked him a quick and easy lunch. Kids are simple that way. Then, we went for a walk. Finally, we did some schoolwork. Yes, I know, school is out, and it is mid-August. But he is going to start school again, and I think it is good to start getting him back into practice, which also serves to refresh his mind and memory back to some of the material he has (hopefully) learned in the past.

He did a couple of pages of math, then wrote a story about his pet cat, who he absolutely adores. I was pleased. Finally, he read to me, and I enjoyed hearing his progress, even though he struggled at times.

Finally, my girlfriend came back from a full day at work. We relaxed for a bit, then had ourselves a nice, healthy dinner of fish, rice, and broccoli. He used to like broccoli, but no more, evidently. This was the first time that he really struggled to eat it, but he was stubborn about it.

In any case, we relaxed for a bit altogether after dinner, and waited until 6pm, when the fair was supposed to open for the evening.

As the time approached, my son's excitement really began to grow. He wanted to know what the surprise was! Wouldn't you?

The time came to finally go ahead. As we approached after the short drive, his excitement grew, until we actually came into view of the fair. He sounded underwhelmed, if anything.

I had been excited about the fair. Traditionally, I have always loved fairs. This was a smaller scale, more localized one. It was a traveling fair, here for only a week. No roller coasters,or anything. But it still had rides, and the rides looked damn good! Damn tempting! I wanted to ride on them, and yet, it seemed like both my girlfriend and my son were simply not interested. They were not matching my level of enthusiasm, and I felt almost like a young child myself. A young child being denied, that is.

My spirits sank a bit, admittedly. I want him to be excited, to be a kid. Hell, when I was his age, a fair like that would have seemed like heaven! So many rides, so many prizes, so much junk food! All of the lights and noise! What little kid can resist that?

Also, he was already informing me what rides he was absolutely not going to go on. Since my girlfriend also does not like rides (even the slow ones are too much), it seemed like I was going to miss out on the rides myself, because I want someone to go with me, generally.

We finally got inside, and we looked at the animals, right by the main entrance. A lama with strange eyes, and it may even have been blind, so intense and strange were the eyes. A few donkeys and goats and such. My son liked them, but was not interested in riding a pony. Probably too old and too much of a man for that.

And so we continued. He saw a stand with guns to shoot things for prizes, and since he presently has an unhealthy obsession with guns, this seemed like heaven to him. I told him we might do that later.

First, let's take a look at the rides.

He said no to all of the rides, initially. That continued, until we got to the bumper cars. Neither of us could talk my girlfriend into it, so we went ahead. He was actually big enough to drive his own bumper car, and so it was a very fun experience for him. He loved going after daddy's car, to the point it seemed he had a vendetta against me, or something.

Then, we went on a ride that I forget the name of, but it is these cars that go around and around very fast, and then do it backwards. He was beginning to have a really good time, and was excited by the rides that, only minutes before, he had been too nervous to try.

We ran into some of my girlfriend's friends,a nd they had a kid. Since they themselves did not want to go on the rides, they asked if he could accompany my son and I to the Ferris Wheel. That was fine.

It went up high, and we looked around the area, with the sun dropping down to the West, now. It was starting to get a little late, but not too bad yet.

After that, we went on a crazy ride that my son wanted to go on, but probably underestimated. As it turned out, he had a blast, and I began to feel nauseous.

It was weird. That had never happened to me at a fair before, to my recollection. Traditionally, I've always loved fairs, and could never get enough of the rides.

Not so this time. I almost felt like throwing up, and after a while, just wanted the ride to end already.

There was one more ride that I went on with him. It was a ride where you look like you are about to crash into your neighbors, and where your car is hurled about at very fast speeds, going to the edge, before whipping you back. And once again, my nausea began to be felt more and more. This was going to be my last ride.

One more for my son, however. He wanted to go on a flying machine, where you lay down like Superman, and the thing takes you around and around, like you're flying. Just watching it made me sick, believe it or not!

I was beginning to feel old. My movements were slow, and I was not having nearly as much fun as I had anticipated.

But my son was excited enough for all of us. He was going nuts! When we got to the shooting booth, he almost exploded with excitement!

No, he did not shoot well. But just the thrill of holding what amounted to a real gun (or the closest he has ever been to holding a real gun) completed the magic of the night like probably nothing else could have.

It was time to leave, but my son was now fully awake. My girlfriend and I, by contrast, were both absolutely dead tired. Her back was really hurting. It appears that just as I am recovering from my bout with sciatica, she is just beginning hers. So, she was in rough shape. And given my fatigue, and my nausea, I was hardly feeling super energetic, myself.

With my son now having a remarkable degree of energy and enthusiasm, it reminded me of my own childhood. Only now, the roles were reversed. I am the old and boring adult, slowing down the wild child who wants to try out every ride. I could see him getting braver with every ride that we went on. He might be ready for the roller coaster soon!

As for me? Well, this was the first time that I began to seriously think about not going on any more rides.

Probably I will, the next time I go. But what if I feel nauseous again? What if this was not a fluke of some sort, but a sign that, indeed, I am getting older - and too old for this kind of nonsense?

Already, the lights and the noise of the place, and the feeling that I am getting ripped off, can be more than a little too much.

But what if even the rides begin to just be background nuisances for me? I'm not that old, and it shouldn't have had the effect on me that it apparently did have.

I guess there are things that you begin to recognize, often unexpectedly, that remind you that you are aging. often unpleasant (although sometimes, it can actually be pleasant) reminders of your advancing age. Like when the teenage kid that let everyone off the Ferris Wheel ignored all the kids, but made sure to tell me, "Have a good evening, sir!"

Nice gesture, but talk about feeling like Grandpa!

Who knows, though? Maybe it's all in my head. maybe I had an off night, and will have a blast next time that I go to one of these types of things. Maybe it will all be back to normal.

Or, maybe it will be further proof, cementing the notion that I am simply too old for these kinds of things now. Will my traditional enthusiasm for such things be tempered by my distaste for the way it makes me feel? For the nausea, and for the fatigue? Will I grow more bitter about how "such places" rip you off?

The memories of my son losing himself in childish fun were indeed priceless. But I guess I just wish it did not come at the expense of another reminder (as if I needed one), that age is slowly but surely creeping up on me!