RIP, Emily

So, last night, I got some terrible news.

An old high school classmate of mine died. Her name was Emily.

She had actually died the day before (Thursday), but I had not gotten the messages clear. I saw one picture featuring her updating her status on Facebook via her cell phone at the high school reunion (which I did not attend, and apparently only had a dozen or so people anyway). But when I saw the picture and saw her name mentioned, there was nothing there to lead me to believe that she was, in fact, gone.

But there was a message via the "Class of Ninety-Two", which I read, and it informed all who read it that Emily had died, leaving behind a husband and two children.

Heartbreaking.

She was always a very sweet girl. We had always gotten along in high school, and she was always nice to me. As adults, we became Facebook friends, and had pleasant exchanges here and there. She was one of the people that always seemed to "Like" my status updates, even the more politically charged ones.

I would follow her posts and status updates, as well. She liked dancing. She also seemed to like running. Her last Facebook post, which came on Thursday morning, showed that she was looking forward to running with Nike (I wasn't sure what that meant, admittedly).

The day before, she had posted about how her kids thought "gayness" was weird, and that she had pointed out some of her gay friends, to open their minds a bit, and show them that, rather than some strange, abstract "thing" that kids can make fun of, being gay is something that real people are, and that it's okay.

Earlier that same day, she posted about how her schoolwork was wearing her down, and she had gotten none of her Christmas shopping or decorating done. She expressed a wish that she just wanted to go dancing, which was a big thing for her. Also, she mentioned ten more years of raising a virtual child.

If only it could have been so.

But she died on Thursday, suddenly and unexpectedly. Apparently, it was due to a medical condition.

This loss was stunning to many, including me. I actually saw those last posts, including the one about running that she posted on the day that she ultimately died on.

People have been posting a lot on her Facebook page. They are urging her to keep dancing. A lot of people keep mentioning her smile. She smiled often, and it was warm and sincere, as I remember it.

Some people have mentioned the "light" that she provided in their lives.

One woman's post that was particularly heartbreaking recalled very specific memories, such as swimming at 5 in the morning, playing board games, and just overall how cool Emily was. This woman looked up to Emily on so many levels, wanting to be like her, and crediting Emily for being instrumental to becoming the woman that she now was.

When you read things like that, it really brings the person to life again, in a way. You don't just see the news of her death, and who she left behind. You catch a glimpse into her actual life, the type of person that she was. You begin to get a sense of just how great her character was, and how much she will be missed by those closest to her.

I can only imagine what her husband, now newly widowed, must be going through right now, with the holiday season approaching. On top of the grieving, h now has to begin to prepare for the reality of  having to raise two beautiful girls on his own. For that matter, those girls have been robbed of their mother, and so unbelievably young! Emily will not be there for them anymore, to see them grow up, grow more mature, blossom into womanhood. She will not be there to guide them through the confusing and difficult teenage years, will not be there to see them off on their first date, or to deal with their first heartbreak. She will not go shopping for prom dresses, or see her two daughters graduate from high school, or worry about them as they go off to experience the "real world" on their own, perhaps first in college, or perhaps working some job, and experiencing the more mundane, everyday frustrations of having to pay bills. She will not be able to give them advice along the growing up process, nor will she be there for them as they grow into women, and perhaps just want a motherly figure to talk to, to listen to them, to admire with the hindsight of adulthood.

As I was writing this last part about the kids being robbed of their mom, I had to step away for a moment. My eyes were threatening tears, and there was that strange, unpleasant aching in the back of my throat. I looked out the window, where the snow that is projected for later in the day has apparently started falling early. The world can be a very cold, unfriendly place sometimes, can't it?

There have been other classmates of mine that had died along the way. In the year that I graduated alone, there were three kids that died. One was by suicide. The other was trying to break a speeding record on a curvy road. Those two kids did not make it to graduation. The last kid died that summer, while sitting on the bed of a pick up truck. Apparently, the truck hit a rock, or a bump, and the kid fell off the truck, landing on his head, and dying shortly thereafter.

Those were, of course, tragic. My class certainly had not shortage of tragedy.

Emily was also a young woman, but older than those kids. I don't want to sound judgmental, but those kids (all boys, I note while writing this) died of their own actions, one way or the other. They could have made better choices. But they were kids, and kids make a lot of mistakes and bad choices.

But Emily...well, Emily was a grown woman. Young, yes. But she was a mother of two daughters. One is in the third grade, the other in the first grade. That adds a lot more sadness to it, I think.

And I keep thinking, over and over again, "She was my age".

This isn't a suicide, or the result of some vehicle incident. This was natural, to my understanding.

She and I met in a high school algebra class. She was very friendly, and attractive. So, perhaps I took tat friendliness for flirting, and began to get a small crush on her. Nothing major, or anything, and I never asked her out. But I thought about it, from time to time, for a short duration.

We would later have other classes together, and I remember being impressed with how much of an independent thinker she was. She thought differently - even far differently - than most of the kids at my high school thought. That high school had a lot of preppy kids, and a lot of kids that others might dismiss as rednecks. Plus, we were all high school age, which meant self-absorbed, lazy, and not quite yet ready to tackle, or even contemplate, the bigger issues in life.

Yet, Emily was different. She also was unafraid to give voice to different opinions from the norm. I always wanted to talk to her about some of those things, but my natural inclination has always been towards shyness. Especially at the time around girls.

I think she began to notice that same thing about me as Facebook friends, years later. I was not as outspoken as she was on a lot of things, but the older I got, the more willing I was to voice my opinions, which also tend to differ from the societal norms.

It seems that she may have been impressed, because one time some months ago, she posted that she had dreamed that she had gotten together with me and this other guy, a local musician, at a local drinking establishment, McKeages.

If memory serves correctly, I "liked" the status, and may even have written something or other. But no more.

That was a few months ago. Every time I passed by that bar since her post, I thought of her. McKeages has closed down since. I was wondering for some time, because whenever I would pass by, there were cars parked there, and the lights were on. Clearly, there were people there, enjoying a night at the bar. But then, I noticed there were no cars each time I passed by, and the lights were always dark. Also, most tellingly, the sign out front had been removed. But naively, I thought that maybe the owners were just on vacation. After a bit of research earlier today, I found out otherwise. It's last night ever was right around Thanksgiving time. That made a makeshift reunion there with Emily no longer possible.

Now, her death makes any kind of reunion impossible, and I am deeply saddened. There is just something very, very sad about losing a former classmate from high school. You can remember these people in the very prime of their lives. Full of energy, full of hopes and dreams, and often at the very peak of their health.

When they die, and so suddenly like this, it just makes you think. Also, it is sad beyond mere words to describe.

I wish we actually had met again, gotten together again for that reunion that she dreamed about. I wish I had spoken to her more in high school. Moreover, I wish she were not gone, that her husband still had his wife beside him for the holiday season to come. I wish even more that her daughters still had the comforting presence of their mom to enjoy and look forward to in their lives. I wish that her warm smile, and that light and warmth that she provided for so many in her life had not been extinguished so early.

But none of that can be, sad as that makes me. And there are no more words left to say. Or, almost no words.

So, I guess the only thing left to say is this: Rest in Peace, Emily.



Just found the post, dated September 28th. I have omitted the names, but am posting it here. Wish that I had taken the possibility of a reunion more seriously. It sounds like it would have been fun!

This was what she posted:

"OMG!! Had the Craziest dream last night. TOTALLY whacky, (me) and (that other guy) were there & TONS of other ppl, all partying at McKeag's. Fun night, no hangover."


RIP, Emily