The Important Thing About Yelling" by Rachel Macy Stafford, Posted: 01/02/2014

I saw this article not so long ago, and as a parent, it spoke to me.

There are all kinds of different abuses that we generally heap on one another. But it is very important to remember the kind of impression this will leave for a child, because at that age, every experience seems relatively new and fresh, and our impressions of the world, and our own place in it, is still just forming.

So, when a child is abused, that will tell him something. We all know of the excesses of physical abuse, and even more so sexual abuse.

But verbal abuse is often overlooked, even though that can really hurt a child, as well.

When my ex-wife and I recently finished the process of divorce, it had been the culmination of a long effort of trying to make sure that our son did not bear the brunt of the burden. We are both adults, and understood that he is a child, and should not pay for the mistakes that adults made.

One of the reasons that I pursued the divorce, other than that our relationship was not working on many, many levels, was that it was having a very negative impact on my parenting my own son. I remember being more irritable, and snapping at little things, just not having the patience that you need when with your child.

I would get disproportionately angry at him for little things, forgetting for a moment that he is still just a child, learning new things every day, and just really still adjusting to the world. That, of course, was the one thing that I had wanted to actively avoid as a parent, as I knew what it felt like from the other end, as well. So, the one thing that I never wanted to pass on was my own bad mood. If I had a bad day, that does not entitle me to make sure my son, or any child of mine perhaps in the future, also has one.

There are times when I yell at my son. Of course I do, at times. Sometimes, admittedly, it is even done out of anger.

But I will make sure to kneel down, and get to eye level, and explain to him why Daddy got so mad, and what he did wrong. Daddy still loves him, of course, but he certainly did not like his actions, or the thing that he had done wrong.

We can all make mistakes, but it is important to recognize it when we do so. And yelling at our kids is exactly that: a mistake. We can all do it, but we should be very careful to try not to do it and, at the very least, make sure not to overdo it.

Here is the link to the article:

"The Important Thing About Yelling" by Rachel Macy Stafford,   Posted: 01/02/2014

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-macy-stafford/the-important-thing-about-yelling_b_4484027.html