The Astonishing Lowering of the Bar With Standards of Behavior Under Trump

Over the last weekend and early into the week, I got in a couple of debates with Trump supporters.

Yes, I know. I really should stop bothering with this kind of thing. Trump supporters – particularly the most loyal and thus blind ones – are not really open to any kind of new ideas, or even criticism, however minor, of their role model and leader.

One of these arguments was private, in a chat room, with a guy, a former high school classmate turned Born Again Christian. This one I will not bother sharing any details with, because it depressed me. As with the first time that he and I had a similar conversation, it quickly deteriorated to a fire and brimstone, “God will not be mocked” kind of a tone, before I basically unplugged the discussion by no longer responding.

Why bother?

The second debate actually was with another high school classmate of mine, although it started with another high school classmate of mine making a comment trying to deflect criticism of Melania Trump’s new “renovations” of the Rose Garden at the White House. If you get the impression that my high school class was filled with the kind of people who generally would lean towards being Trump supporters in the present day, you are right. There were many people who fit that bill at the time, and it hardly comes as a surprise to me, personally, that many of them now are struggling as self-identified patriotic Americans who are unable to understand or accept how their mindset has increasingly become deemed as unacceptable and antiquated and out of step with modern values.

Anyway, getting back on point, it was a Facebook post of mine that showed side by side pictures, and this first classmate claimed that the only real difference in the two pictures was that the first one, which showed the before picture, was in bloom, while the second one, which was of Melania’s new “renovations” of the Rose Garden, was taken when the flowers were not in bloom. I pointed out that, in fact, these were not the only differences. A couple of trees had been torn out, and there was now a paved walkway. Someone else pointed out that the effect made this look like a corporate park, and I had to agree.

At this point, that third pro-Trump classmate of mine stepped in, and began more or less defending the changes, saying that the trees - which had been planted by the Kennedys during their time at the White House - looked like they were overgrown. I responded that maybe this was the case, but that perhaps it would have been better not simply tearing them down. I also mentioned that tearing them down was in keeping with the Trump family tradition of too easily and unthinkingly tearing down any and all people and traditions that had come before them.

This triggered a debate about Trump and the lack of respect that we see these days. The third classmate suggested that he should not be surprised, since the Democrats have been attacking him ever since he took office. I responded by saying that this is what we call politics, that I personally was no Democrat, and that Trump was effectively fair game to criticism as a political figure.

That third classmate than suggested that he wished that there was a more basic level of respect, something that I can relate to, even if he and I probably view this very, very differently. Knowing this, I answered him with probably a bit more vehemence in tone than expected, since it is tiresome to hear Trump supporters, of all people, crying and whining about how unfairly Trump is being attacked and treated by his critics.

Below is what I said, specifically:

Frankly, if there has ever been any individual who has been more out of control than Trump in terms of lacking respect towards anyone except himself, I have yet to hear about him. Look at his ridiculous, childish, petty rants whenever anyone is even slightly critical of him or his policies. When you show disrespect towards anyone and everyone who is even remotely critical of you, and especially when you do it in as classless and crass a way as he has consistently done it, then of course you can expect to get as good as you give. I love how Trump fans seemed to love how this crass and disrespectful behavior towards everyone else by him - including towards Gold Star families, towards minorities, even towards a former political rival even after he died - is somehow seen as refreshing honesty, and that anyone who complained about it are seen as overly sensitive snowflakes. But then, when he himself gets criticized in exactly as disrespectful a manner, suddenly he's the victim, and we should pay a minimal level of respect, and so on. Very convenient. But again, if you can dish it, then you better the hell expect to take it, as well. And if you are a supporter and cannot see this hypocrisy for what it is, then frankly, get over yourself.

What I was trying to say is that, in terms of lowering the bar of civility and respectful behavior, Trump went much farther than anybody that I know of. There was no limit to how low he could go. And Trump supporters rewarded this bad behavior by claiming that this was “real,” that this was a refreshing departure from “politics as usual.” By putting such a despicable and obviously disrespectful man in the highest office in the land, they had upped the ante, so to speak. And thus, if they now felt shocked by the vehemence and complete lack of respect with which critics of Trump now deal with this particular president, they really have no one to blame but themselves. After all, they supported a man who made a lack of respect and dignity in the Oval Office an art form. Whatever arguments might once have been made that the office of the presidency commanded a certain  measure of respect pretty much went out the window when Trump himself failed to live up to that level of dignity, and brought an astonishing lack of dignity and basic civility with him to the Oval Office. They empowered him to continue with his bad behavior, and blasted anyone critical of his behavior as overly sensitive snowflakes. So now, it seems quite hypocritical that they whine and moan and act like victims, or that Trump himself is some kind of victim, when he or they get a taste of the same medicine.

Now, another friend, one who at least used to be particularly close to this third friend of mine (let's call him the fourth classmate, since he also was a classmate of mine from third grade through to high school) seemed to want to get involved, as well. Later in the week, he grew critical of my anti-Trump posts, suggesting that it was all hate, and then insinuating from there that I must be really unhappy in my life, and patronizingly hoping that I find happiness. My own response was, in effect, to remind him that we had not seen each other in three decades, since the end of high school, and that he was quite presumptuous to assume he knows enough about me to determine how happy or unhappy  I actually am in my life. Also, there was a reminder for him that if he does not like, as he stated, seeing a bunch of Trump hate posts on his feed, that he should know a quick and easy solution to that. He did not take me up on the offer and unfriend me (at least not yet), but I wanted to remind him that he certainly is free to do that.

Here's the thing: I care about what is going on in the world, and in this country. Right now, it seems that the country is in virtual crisis mode, and Trump, like it or not, is at the very center of this cancer that seems to be growing. He is an unbelievably polarizing figure, and he has been actively doing everything possible to divide the country more, even seeming to hint at the possibility of some kind of civil war. This president has been an absolute disaster for the country, and I do not believe that anyone like Trump would have been possible if people actually paid more attention to political realities, rather than ignoring it, as this friend was suggesting I do more of. But I do not remain quiet simply because some people like him complain, or feel uncomfortable. Clearly, my political opinions are making some of my former very conservative classmates angry and uncomfortable, but so be it. Life is like that sometimes, you know?

It annoyed me that somebody should take the liberty of questioning my entire life, and of my perceived unhappiness, according to him. Just for the record: I actually feel happier on many level, and more grateful for all that I have been blessed with, than perhaps at any other point in my adult life. True, I remember feeling happier more generally as a kid. Then again, though, is that not true of us all?

So, I will not scale back my criticisms of Trump. What I might do is focus more on here, and perhaps other avenues, more than on Facebook, which I sometimes have felt tired of. That was particularly true in these recent days, and for the reasons already mentioned. For me, as an American who considers himself patriotic (but not nationalistic as many militant flag wavers tend to be), it feels like my responsibility.

In any case, I think that either this time, I really am done even trying to discuss or debate with Trump supporters, or am going to have to take a long, long break from it. The responses that I have gotten have been largely pointless, even counterproductive to any hopes of enlightenment on either side. And frankly, it depresses me to see so many damn people who seem utterly clueless - or worse, willfully ignorant - of the obvious abuses of power that Trump is guilty of, and which threaten our very democracy at this point.

Perhaps using modern parlance: I'm done.