The Winter of My Misfortune

Okay, at the risk of sounding like I'm whining, there really is only one thing on my mind today, and since I am trying to make a point of being as active as possible on this blog, it seems fitting enough that I should go ahead and write about what's bothering me. After all, it always felt to me that writing was quite therapeutic, and maybe that will prove to be the case this now, as well.

Anyone who has regularly followed this blog will know by now that this winter has not been kind to me. First of all, of course, there is the brutal weather, with record cold temperatures not seen in decades, and a seemingly endless amount of blizzards lining up to take their best shot at us. It feels nice, the cold weather, up to a point. I would say that, maybe up until the holiday season, Christmas and New Year's, it just seems to fit. But then, once you get past the holidays and get back to the grind, it just starts to wear thin and get very annoying - particularly when it is as bad a winter as this one.

Then, of course, I got laid off from my weekend job, which I had held for eleven years. Through no fault of my own, though, it became the first job that I ever had that I did not leave on my own terms, and I would be lying to suggest that it did not sting. In fact, there was (and probably still is) a bit of lingering depression, a sense of melancholy, since that departure. Some of the other guys that were laid off (all the part-timers were) are trying to take action, but being removed just felt extremely deflating, truth be told.

And without that extra source of income, I have been struggling mightily this year. Really, I can't remember struggling like this for such an extended period of time as an adult, and it seems that it just keeps going and going. I have applied to a couple of job positions, and one of them should be a technicality. Everything seems to be in order, except for a letter clearing me for the background check. I've already been notified that the letter is on it's way, yet it seems to be taking forever, and I cannot start the job until I can physically hand the letter in. It was supposed to take three weeks, but more than  four weeks have passed, and I'm at my wits end. As for the other application, I heard from one of the guys just yesterday, but nothing more since. And my frustrations grow.

In the face of these struggles, I have been trying to remain positive. Yes, money is tight, and I cannot spend frivolously (or almost at all at the moment, admittedly). But I have tried to compensate for this by getting better habits in my life to feel good about, by trying to keep positive. I began to try to have fun in cheap and easy ways, including watching free movies online (mostly through Youtube), some of which I had wanted to see for a long time, and then writing reviews on them. I tried to join a reading group that meets once a month. One of the other things that I have been focusing on was my writing (and especially the editing aspect, which tends to be my weak point), and not just here on The Charbor Chronicles. I have some major and sizable other writing projects, particularly with fiction, and have been trying to organize these, and get them a little closer to being completed. Also, I have been trying to do some significant spring cleaning, and have made some strong strides there, too. I have tried to spend some quality time with the people that matter in my life, including my family (especially my son) and my girlfriend. Finally, after admittedly falling into bad habits health-wise during a long and cold winter where cabin fever seemed a perennial threat, I have made more of an attempt to get back into shape, trying to cut down on the crap food a bit more, and doing some exercises, as well as returning to my normal routine of walking daily for a couple of miles or so a day.

In fact, I was just returning from one of those walks with my son yesterday, enjoying a spring tease (the weather forecast is predicting a return to brutally cold temperatures, as well as even another snowstorm coming). It felt wonderful, and I tried to breathe in an out. One of the things about trying to get better habits was that it was actually working. Despite some of the problems, i was beginning to feel much better, even happy. This is one of my favorite times of the year, actually. I love late February/early March, when the winter is on it's last legs, and everywhere, there are signs of the approaching spring. The robin birds are back, and they were singing on this walk. It was around a lake, and the snow and ice were melting. Not long ago, the temperatures seemed to just stay under freezing, so all the snow that we got just kept on piling up, to the point that it was ridiculous. But we have not had snow in a couple of weeks and, in the meantime, we have had some warmer temperatures, and most of the snow now seems to be gone. For the first time in a long time, it truly is beginning to feel like spring is right around the corner.

So, yes, it would be accurate to say that I was feeling decidedly upbeat during the walk. I even allowed myself to think about the vacation plans that have been running around in my head for later in the year. Despite my financial difficulties, I had some ideas for possible trips that I have long wanted to take, and perhaps allowed myself to get carried away a bit by them. Maybe it was even a form of escapism, who knows?

In any case, all of that came crashing down when I found out just minutes later that I had received a letter in the mail from a law office, informing me that I was being sued. Two years ago, I was in a car accident. The police officer basically told me that, sorry, pal, but this will officially go down as you being at fault.

The summons basically informed me, the defendant, that I had been driving recklessly and too fast (I wasn't, and was actually stopped to make a turn, and started going, although I did not see her). It went on to tell me that she was suing me to receive compensation for her exorbitant medical bills and inconveniences and severe health problems that prevented her from employment to this point, and in the future.

I guess it's not kosher to get into too many details regarding the case, since it is a legal case. Hopefully, it can be settled outside of court, although you never know.

Needless to say, I am admittedly nervous. In fact, I'm a bit scared, because i feel a bit over my head. Never was fluent in legalese and, despite knowing theoretically that people bent the law all of the time to receive huge payments by manipulating the law, I never actually expected to be on the receiving end of such a lawsuit. Suddenly, I do not feel so detached from the legal system. Funny, but I remember in January, during my divorce case (did I forget to mention that this winter also saw my divorce finalized?), that I had gone this long in my life without ever being involved in any court case (other than once as a petit juror).

Now, suddenly, I find myself worrying about yet another impending legal battle, which I hope does not wind up in court.

And this winter of my discontent continues.

At this point, I don't even know what to say or think. It feels a bit like I am being hit from all angles. All I want right now is for this threat to be muted, and to go away. Someday, perhaps, I will look back and just shake my head about it all. But for now, it is an immediate problem, even an immediate threat. And yes, i am nervous. Nervous because you never know how these things are going to turn out.

Well, let's see what happens...

In the meantime, I will try to return to the positives in my life that I can control. I looked at my son, and felt very thankful to be blessed with a healthy and happy little boy. I am in a stable relationship with my girlfriend of almost two years now. Plus, I have my own health, as well.

Overall, as cliché as it may sound, I do believe that things happen for a reason, and that which does not kill us makes us stronger, within reason. Perhaps this rough start to the year (and I never did have a year that started out quite as miserably as this one has, to my knowledge) is, in some way, what I needed to kind of jolt myself out of the cocoon of comfort that I have built for myself, feeling falsely sheltered behind it, and pretending that i was not as vulnerable as I actually apparently was.

So, my focus now needs to be on the positives, and on creating something, or some things, that I can feel good about, once again, and to remind myself that these are just temporary setbacks that cannot keep a good and strong man down.